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Almost a year later, Lionel rings his mother and tells her that they are expecting a baby.His mother doesnt slam down the phone but says, very politely and unemotionally, "Thats nice, son, Im happy for you both."Eight months later, Lionel again rings his mother and says, "Mum, I just want to say that last night my wife gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby boy.But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.Dear Son, I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Debbie, and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with Debbie.I'm also getting used to the cold since they turned my heat off and am grateful because the frost on my bed numbs the constant pain.Now don't you even think about sending any more money, because I know you need it for those expensive family holidays you take every year."Hi, mum, its me, Issy, your number one son, your boychik."Sarah comes home from her long stay in Uganda and surprises her mother Bette, who is in the process of lighting the Friday night candles and serving the matzoh ball soup.Bette is so thrilled she can't stop hugging and kissing Sarah.
The baby won't eat and the washing machine won't work. On top of all this, the house is a mess and I'm supposed to have the Minkys and the Rokens for dinner tonight. I'll do your shopping, tidy up the house and cook your dinner.
I also want you to know that weve agreed to give our son a Jewish name."Upon hearing this unexpected news, his mother shouts out with happiness.
"Oh Lionel, bubbeleh, this is wonderful news," she cries, "I've been waiting for this moment all my life.
I would have invited you, but I know that woman you live with would have never let you come.
I bet she's never even watched that videotape of my haemorrhoid surgery, has she?